| Alive |
[Nov. 6th, 2007|01:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
Yes, I am alive and well. Busy, but well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2006|05:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
You are The Star
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised
The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out. |
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| How long can it last? Really. |
[Oct. 18th, 2006|09:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  because I need to sleep | ] |
I can't find enough hours in the day to get everything done that I absolutely have to do, much less something that I would like to do. (Like sleep) 4 hours per night; tops. I took a position with a company contracted with General Motors. Its a good job for me. Better than the ushering positions for the UT football games and such. I have to have money to live. Relocation and starting over with your life is just expensive. I will keep going as long as they will have me, but it is really making life interesting.
My older two daughters came to my apartment for the first time this weekend. It was wonderful but so hard to let them leave. My youngest daughter needs some counseling but I can't seem to find a way to schedule that into a day just yet. My mother is in town this week so I suppose it will have to be session or two with her for now. NOT that she is a professional counselor:Let us all just see that very clearly. She does have good insight most of the time and my daughters will listen to her. I have too much to do today to even list but I miss my LJ so I had to peek in here for a 5 minute escape. Hope everyone is doing well. I will be checking up on you all this weekend. |
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| What color is your Aura? |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|06:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Unwritten | ] |
I seem to be Violet with a red overtone. I think the overtone is a bad thing. I should work on ditching it. I need a chakra balance, badly.
VIOLETS
Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment.
All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form.
Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner “push” — even an inner “earthquake.” Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it.
Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.
To find out about Violets in their career choices and life purpose, please see Pamala's book, Life Colors.
This was my runner up for aura color. What a combination. No wonder I am screwed up.
GREENS
Greens are some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens are extremely bright. They process information and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to ten. They do not like dealing with all the steps and details in between.
A project that is too detailed is tedious and boring for Greens . They prefer to develop an idea, organize a plan, and then delegate someone else to take care of the details.
Greens are very drawn to money, power, and business. These quick-thinkers are very organized and efficient. They write lists and efficiently check off the items on the list as they are completed. Greens recognize patterns and discover solutions very quickly.
When Greens are in their power, they can accomplish anything. They love to set goals and are determined to achieve them. Greens are “movers and shakers” when it comes to taking action. They are also typically the workaholics on the planet.
Greens are highly competitive and enjoy challenges. They thrive on taking risks. Gambling is common for Greens , especially if there is a potential for large winnings.
Being strong-willed, these powerful personalities are determined to have their own way, which they usually feel is the right way. A person is rarely able to win an argument with Greens .
To find out about having relationships with Greens, order Life Colors.
©2003 Pamala Oslie |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|12:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Over My Head by the Frey | ] |
I would rather never 'feel' again than to feel what I feel right now. How many more hills are on this roller coaster? |
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| What? It's Tuesday? |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|08:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
That's what you get when you get a free day, I suppose. I raced to class this morning showing up with 5 minutes to spare. I double checked the class number and my schedule to make sure I was in the right place because something just felt wrong. I reassured myself that everything was in check and opened the door to an empty classroom. It was actually a third look at my schedule before I realized that was in fact Tuesday. It still feels like Monday though. ARHG!
Never the less, I made the trek back up the hill to Student Services which give me time to collect my thoughts. I do have to say that I am not a morning person. Nor am I the type that particularly likes exercise. (especially early in the morning) Today there is an overcast in Austin so thick that the air is dripping all by itself. Multiply that with an overweight old woman trying to keep up with a herd of 20 year olds racing to their 8am class. I am grateful for Tuesdays. Now if I can just convince myself that Monday is truly over and get on with the week, I will be fine.
On a positive note, it has been a week and a half since I have eaten red meat. I don't think I even like the thought of it anymore. Occasionally maybe, but we will have to see. Getting your heart rate up at 7am every morning will surely have to do something for me too. I joined the gym but still have to see how that will fit into my schedule.
On the apartment; Still boxes everywhere. I think there are some things packed that I really need to find, but every time I untape a new box, I find myself wasting time on trying to decide where to put something. I am out of nesting time and must get into homework mode. Which actually is strange to think about. Taking a semester off makes it really hard to get back into good habits.
So, what did y'all do with your holiday? I washed and waxed my car. When I finished the last window, the rain came. Yes, you parched people of Austin, you are welcome.
Monday is really over right? |
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| Home Sweet Home |
[Aug. 22nd, 2006|01:26 pm] |
For any of those whom actually check this page. I have officially relocated. I made it to Austin and am getting settled in quickly. I have always dreamed of living in a big city. It will take a little getting used to though. Calli started school and seems fine. She is a minority in her new school. I pray that it will give her the edge on Spanish for the future. I think that I would have expected the teachers to be Hispanic, but almost all that I have seen as of yet are not. I hope we make friends soon. It's kinda lonely here. I suppose I will have to learn to be more outgoing. Maybe I will check into a local single mother's group or something. |
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| Who would buy that? |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|12:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cranky | ] |
I wonder what a sack of trash would bring on ebay? If I had more time and mental strength, I could be rich. Rich, I tell you. Some things that I surely would have thrown strait into the garbage can, I decided to list on ebay because the market looked promising. Good thing too, I am $408.00 richer today because I listed a handful of items. I just can't help myself from looking at the buyers and searching their past purchases to see what kind of person would buy some of this. I found a pocket knife like my granfather's today that sold for $95.00! If I could put my hands on it I would sell that puppy. It is in a box somewhere. It's just an old dirty pocket knife. Geesh. There is a guy coming Monday to look at some of the antique furniture that I still have at the house. I hope he buys it all and then I won't have to move it. I am not kidding when I say that I could spend another month going through all this crap. I think I am done. I don't want it, I don't want to see it, I surely don't want to move it. Maybe the good fairies will come and take it all away. |
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| Humpty Dumpty |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|06:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Death March | ] |
How quickly things can come tumbling down around you when it involves money. Everything has been set, so I thought. I got the apartment. I lost the title to the car that I was going to take. Paid out some cash and replaced the title. Have everything ready for the move. The family cleaned out the attic and now it is chaos again. Mom called me with the bad news of the rejection letter this morning for the finacial aid loan. A month ago it came up on my financial aid site at school and I assumed that everything was go. If I count every penny and don't drop even one I might make it to Austin and be ok for about a month. That is if I get to work as soon as I get there. How can you work full time and go to school full time in a strange town (with no friends) and watch out for and take care of a 7 year old? After I got home from an afternoon errand, I found the local (I do mean here in my hometown) 2nd grade school supply list on the computer screen. I am sure that means that the T is going to restrict me from taking C. Maybe it is for the best but my mother is coming down on me pretty hard. They had to cosign for the apartment since I am a full time student and now they are threatening to pull their approval if I leave her here. Ouch! Like it doesn't hurt enough to walk away without her, or any of them for that matter. Why does it have to be this way? Life is such a roller coaster. What is it that I am supposed to be leaning here? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|12:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hate Me by Blue October | ] |
If you find me here you may also have a my space account. If so, you may go to mine as well. http://www.myspace.com/61691382
With the exception of one of my friends, anyone can friend me. Please do! Except for that one friend. You know who you are. I have just 10 more days to keep the peace. My children are helping me with this work in progress so please be discrete. My space seems to be the place for kids. I will keep LJ for the really personal stuff. It really is pretty cool and fun though. |
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| Thank God for Mondays! |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|01:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pink (in my head) | ] |
I hate Mondays. Usually I look at a Monday with great resentment of all the things I must get done in the week. However, last week was so bad that I am overjoyed to have it behind me and today is wonderful! The T and I spent the weekend arguing back and forth like chilren over a toy. The subject; our children's living arrangements. More elaborately, where the youngest is going to reside. I have allowed the two older girls to stay here in the town I grew up in to go to school as long as they keep their grades up (at least B's or higher) and stay out of trouble. I was a 13-15 year old girl once, I know what they can get into.
I told him, "I don't want to fight this out in court, but if you push me I will take them all away from you." I have been planning this day for 15 years, the last two of which have been devoted to activating this plan into motion. Don't think I know everything and all the loopholes in the law yet but I have a very strong case. I love the courtroom and I am not afraid to take this on but I really don't want to subject the children or him for that matter to it. By the time I am through with them, none of his family may spend any time alone with the girls.
Mothers are loving, caring, and nurturing creatures until you back them into a corner and they feel the need to protect their offspring. GRRRRRRR! (imagine the teeth showing and the hair on the back of the neck standing on end) I am not playing unless it is hardball.
Anyway back to my initial point to this post. He gets up this morning and says that he has had a change of heart and will allow the 7 year old to live with me. Should I believe him? I am going to for now. God does grant miracles. How could I be deserving of so many in such a short period of time. I seem to just be waiting for the lightning bolts raining down on me to bring me to ashes in a moments notice. Please let it be true that it could be so civil.
Oh, by the way, 10 more days... |
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| My crew |
[Aug. 4th, 2006|07:17 pm] |
Here is a picture from when we went to the renaissance faire this year. Pictured from left to right is Michael, (Amanda's boyfriend) Amanda, myself, Taylor in front of Michael, and Calli in front. This too was a really really hot day. Calli as usual had ditched her costume and the rest of us were trying to get the picture taken so we could get in the car and leave. Faire is much more fun without kids, but they had a good time.
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| Young minds |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
Look what my 13 year old taught me! I can load pics to my LJ. I know its sad. I wonder what this up and coming generation will be able to do. Just as we thought our parents were obsolete, so will they. For today, I will commend the talents of the future. This is my future at Halloween this past year. Gotta love em. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|07:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soundtrack from Hoodwinked | ] |
For those of you that are wondering if I have made it to Austin; Not just yet, but we are getting much closer. 16 days to be exact. I will find out my apartment information on the 10th. I can't really believe it all until I have the key in my hand.
My first professor sent me an email today. He/She sent out a list of books for the class due to the Co-Op never ordering enough books for the classes. Yikes, and I thought that would be a thing of the past after getting to UT. It's only 6 books for one class. I hope they are short. Haven't had time to check it out. In a perfect world, I could have them pre-read before class starts. But everyone knows that will not happen this life time. I have one more week at work. That will leave me one week to finish packing and tie up lose ends.
Every day is one step closer. Prayer, that's what I need. It may take a miracle to get there in one piece. |
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| 3 more weeks |
[Jul. 26th, 2006|08:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
When I wake in the morning, I can truly say; 3 more weeks. (Is that correct usage of a semicolon? I can't seem to remember much about English or any other subject these days.) I have been lying to myself for over a week. I have convinced myself daily that I can survive just one more day and that it's just three more weeks. I can see the look on some persons faces. They think that I am gonna crack. Some are wishing, some are waiting, and some are praying that I won't.
I had to give up on the dreams of the apartment that is nestled in the lush landscapes. I took my second choice which is actually a better facility. It's gated, bigger, and cheaper. I had my best friend tell me to give up and accept that maybe this wasn't the best time to go. I said NO and took a second look at where I was going wrong. After my decision, everything began to take shape and fall into place again. Three more weeks.
My estranged brother has even offered his helping hand. I think he is really growing up and sees the world much differently than he once did. Someday, I will love to pick his brain and see what things in his life gave him strength, courage, and even tribulations.
On that note: What about the Yates trial decision? I feel so completely sorry for that family. I know her children were the victims but she must live with what she did every day. I can't even begin to imagine such a horrific tragedy or the bitter memories she must have. My heart bleeds for the whole system.
My trials and tribulations are nothing. Three more weeks. Dream it. Live it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|11:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Under the Sea (Disney) | ] |
 | You scored as One Intelectual Individual. You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care.
One Intelectual Individual | | 88% | New Age Hippie | | 50% | Original Hippie | | 50% | Earth-Child | | 50% | Not a Hippie | | 50% | Pothead | | 25% | </td>
What type of hippie are you?
created with QuizFarm.com |
Well, that's OK. I suppose they didn't have anything for boring conservative, leftover left-wing, whining wannabe.
Still in the game for apartment choice #1. Just buying time. I counted the calendar days... 4 weeks. I pray that I can turn that into 2 weeks if all works out.
Exactly how long can one run on co-pilot before crashing and burning? |
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| psycho "B" |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Crazy by Gnarls Barkley | ] |
Yesterday I was crying. Today I feel invigorated. I suppose I am not always easy to get along with but seldom do I argue or get dissed by someone I haven't ever even met. I have been trying to get this apartment now for 2 months. I really do love it. It has very lush landscaping, and totally new everything in the apartment, but the manager and I are about to face off. First of all if you are gonna hire a temp to show your apartments, take time to meet the applicant yourself if they so choose to rent. Second of all, If you are gonna use some fly by night background checking company, make sure they are accurate. This lady told me a month ago that I had something horrible on my record and that I was going to jail and that if I didn't have the kids with me that I would have to pay lot's of child support and if I did have them with me and had a warrant out that I would go to jail and CPS would come and take the children. Yes, I was in a panic until I got the company on the phone and coerced them into giving me docket numbers and called the local county clerks office only to realize that it was all over a traffic ticket (2 actually) that were not ever even filed. They were dismissed. There had never and is not a warrant out in this county and the lady had me in hysteria. When will I ever learn to not let people get to me? So I had put this out of my mind and thought she was just trying to protect her own interests until she let her temp go and now I must deal with her personally. It is really a great apartment but I am not sure I can deal with such a crazy loon as a manager. She wants to see that I am going to make 3 times the rent. I can understand that. I will make 4.3 times the rent. She won't take into consideration that I will transfer to Austin. She wants verification from Austin location. How is it that I can do that when I am still here because I have no place to live? Even if I made the move, she has already said that she will not accept anything less than 1 year on the job. WTF am I supposed to do? She called my husband this morning and asked him how much child support did I pay him. He said, "What? Hold on a minute" and when he went back to the phone she had hung up. It is a good thing he was in a good mood today or I might have had more than I could handle in one day. I only got to leave messages today since she wouldn't turn over the phones from the service and screened the rest of her calls this evening. Ahhh, but tomorrow I will have my revenge. Yes, it has become a game. I do not like her and I don't even know her. I have her on the run and I don't care about her stupid apartment anymore. If it works out, great; if it doesn't, I feel sorry for her because I am going to be her worst nightmare. I love going for the throat! |
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| Halfway There |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|08:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't Take Me Half The Way by Crystal Gale | ] |
Things are not all well. It is like the quiet before the storm. Maybe I could be labeled as a pessimist these days, I don't know. Someone has to take the role around here. No one else seems to believe that money doesn't grow on trees. I bit the nose off of my oldest daughter today when she told me to lighten up. Why as parents sometimes do we do exactly what we know and don't want to do. I feel really bad, but I did only give her the cold harsh truth. At age 15, she should know at least part of how bad it really is. Maybe I am just a pessimist. I hope they prove me wrong. Even more than that, I hope I can get myself together before the bottom falls out. July 15th is my estimated move date. Only a miracle can make that come true. If you see any angels, send them my way.
Maybe I am just really losing my last bit of sanity. It is a country song from the 70's that is playing in my mind today.
And I even dreamed last night that I was a fugitive and I was on the run. I was hiding from all the cops that were on statewide man hunt for me but I was trying to find $5000 to retain my attorney before I turned myself in. I do suppose that could put most anyone in a bad mood for the morning. I wonder if I talk in my sleep? Maybe tonight I will solve the dream instead of running from it. |
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murt19_21's journal
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